Five Finger Salute Across the Face
by thejade
Summary: Maxi hits on two women and both attempts failbut then again, Maxi is happy.


**A/N: Another installment of the Soul Calibur Humor Fanfic Series! **

**Summary: Maxi hits on women--and fails on both. So why is he so relieved?

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"Five Finger Salute Across the Face"**

Maxi felt the slap—well, to him, more of a five-finger salute—across his face before the woman stalked away angrily. Although the "salute" left a reddened area on his left cheek, Maxi tried to pretend it didn't hurt.

Unfortunately, his resolve was challenged when everyone in the bar burst into laughter.

"Look at that jackass!"

"Yeah, his stupid ass should had seen that one coming!"

"What an ass!"

Maxi felt his hands move on their own.

_Damn, not again!_

His fingers gripped his nunchaku, his precious, two-handled weapon, and began twirling them over his arms and shoulders.

_Ok, whatever. Just as long as it impresses them…Please?_

The play had no effect on the ragged, dirty men in the bar.

"Hey, what's that fool doing?"

"I don't know, man, but I think he's having a hissy fit."

The bar burst into laughter again.

Maxi's face hurt from the slap—er…salute.

_My game! My precious game!_

Maxi shrugged it off as he willed himself to stop twirling his damn weapons. For some reason, he always twirled them for too long, too fast, and it was hard to stand still.

_Maybe I have some type of disease or something…_

Maxi shook his head sharply.

_Ok, no time to think of that! _

His eyes blazed with determination. The other men in the bar noticed.

"Oooooh!" they cooed in unison, their eyes wide open and their hands going up as though God had appeared in front of them.

Maxi smiled.

_It's about time. Respect me, bitches!_

"Excuse me."

Maxi frowned—and stepped aside like a gentleman—before seeing the beautiful woman saunter past him.

_They were gawking at her, not me!_

Maxi pumped his fist in the air.

_A new chance! God listens to me after all!_

"Hey, what's that guy doing?"

"I don't know. It looks gay to me."

Maxi growled, trying to bade away his diminishing manliness.

He had to do what no man attempted before.

Pick up on a woman in a bar.

A thoughtful expression came over Maxi's face as he thought of his way of attempting the near impossible.

Hopefully, he could get her without getting:

1.) Slapped—whoops, er, salute. _Almost "ow."_

2.) Getting spilled on (aka, her dumping a drink on you). _What a waste of drink._

3.) Kneed in the Jewels. _Son of a—_

Maxi shook his head violently.

"What's he doing? He got a worm or something?"

The look of determination came back into Maxi's eyes.

"Hey, hey, I think that's the look of determination."

All of the guys gasped.

"Ooooh!"

Maxi began his path towards the beautiful woman, who was sitting at the bar now.

"Hey, hey, the gay guy is going for the girl!"

"What's he going to do? Compliment her on her shoes?"

"She's not wearing any."

"Oh."

Maxi shrugged off their comments and seated himself next to the woman. She glanced at him to acknowledge him.

"So what's your line?"

Maxi blinked. She spoke!

_She spoke!_

The guys in the bar gasped.

"She spoke!"

The woman's eyebrow twitched.

"I thought beautiful women didn't speak!"

The woman's eye began to blink uncontrollably. Maxi backed away slowly.

"I know! I mean, it's a men-repellent."

Maxi was at the door, hoping to avoid the wrath of the woman. Of all things he feared—including demons, Astaroth, and monkeys—there was nothing worse than a woman's anger directed at men.

Men that included him.

The woman stood up and faced them. "You pathetic, insolent men—"

"Hey, hey, she knows big words too!"

_Uh oh._

Maxi was already passing through the door.

"Haha, a beautiful woman with brains!"

The men burst into laughter.

The woman's eyes and eyebrows twitched uncontrollably.

Maxi was already outside.

He wasn't gay or anything close, but he'd rather have a five-finger salute across his face than have his life taken from him.

_Poor bar guys.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**_

**Other stories in this series: "Gypsy Mirrors", "Flies on Ivy", "Mitsurugi's New Role", "Sandwiches for Kilik", "Raphael's Apprentice", and "Hwang's Laundry." They're all under thejade9.**


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